Motherhood is trying to reconnect...

Psalm 143:3-10 has struck me.

My enemy has chased me.
He has knocked me to the ground
and forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave.
⁴ I am losing all hope;
I am paralyzed with fear.
⁵ I remember the days of old.
I ponder all your great works
and think about what you have done.
⁶ I lift my hands to you in prayer.
I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.
Interlude

⁷ Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
for my depression deepens.
Don’t turn away from me,
or I will die.
⁸ Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.
⁹ Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.
¹⁰ Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.

Psalm 143:3-10 (NLT)

I have battled with depression off and on for 10 years now. And surprisingly, I have never fallen onto this passage until today.

David, the psalmist and king, also seems to have had bouts of depression all through his life. What's interesting to me is how he deals with it in this passage. He keeps his focus right where it should be, on God. he gets right on who causes his depression [Satan] and recognizes that it steals life and light. He can remember his happy times. He asks for help and continues to keep his whole body open, ready to take in God's blessings and help.

In my bouts, I definitely don't portray David. I want to hide. I want to throw myself a HUGE pity party and invite all to come. I don't ask for help and I admit, the last thing on my mind is keeping my focus on God and my happy times. I wallow. I pout.

Looking back, I wonder how much different and how much brighter my life could've been if I had followed David's example.

I love David's words in verse 8, in the Amplified translation:

"Cause me to hear to Your loving kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust."

My translation: Remind me, when I wake for the day, of your forever love.

Starting my days with His love as my focus could be refreshing. I guess the reason why this passage is on my mind so strongly right now is because I'm starting to get into my depressed ways again. I'm completely stressed out. I need to remain focused.

"I'm not saying I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." ~ Philippians 3:13-14 The Message