“Schmidt My Husband Says” #1

Welcome to the first edition of “Schmidt My Husband Says.”  My husband is hilarious.  Seriously.  He has lovingly agreed to let me compile a list of things he says randomly and put on the blog.  I wish he’d let me put a lot more, but I don’t want to embarrass him TOO much.

**Reader Discretion Advised** 

Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

 

We were driving in the car together one day and a George Michael song came on and he was singing some lyrics like how he wants to make a baby with the girl he’s singing to.  David’s response:

“You don’t like to stick it in vaginas.  You like to stick it in buttholes.  How can he sing a song about making a baby with a girl when he’s gay?”

Doh!

 

One night, as we were crawling in bed, we had been talking about Little Debbie treats, like the wonderfully, horrible for you, smooshy brownies.  I LOVE to spray my pillows and sheets before I get into bed with Bath and Body Works pillow mists, so I asked David, “Babe, which scent tonight?  Vanilla Lavender to help us fall asleep or Tranquil Mist to help us relieve stress?”  David’s response:

“Do you have a Little Debbie Brownie scent mist?”

I die.

 

Most of our funny times happen in the car.  We were talking about an upcoming crawfish boil friends are having and it got me thinking about our new house and how I want to have a little get together.  I told him, “You know, I wanna have a party.”  David’s response:

“Where?  In my pants?  A pants party?”

Not sure to say FML or FTW…  I’m going to go with FTW!

 

Since our whole family LOVES to do martial arts together, we are huge fans of Kung Fu Panda.  As we were driving along, while the kids were watching the movie in the car, the following conversation took place --

David:  Do you know what Shifu means?

Me: No.

David:  It means ‘master.’

Me:  So, Master Master?  That’s a tad redundant.

David:  I’m a Master Debater.

Me:  —laughing—Oh good God babe… really?

— David grins from ear to ear —

 

Maybe one day he’ll let me record him dancing to one of his three favorite songs.  I highly doubt it though… but a girl can dream.

 

So what “Schmidt Does Your Husband Say”???  I may make this into a linky.